My Old Friends

myoldfriends

It seems I do more of it in the winter, but regardless, as I get older I spend a lot of time day dreaming. I usually wake up about 5 am, make coffee and, being retired and having no place to go, sit in my chair in the dark drinking my coffee and dreaming about the past. A rather pleasant time, I might add.

Now I have been to a lot of places and done a lot of things, but the things and places have become mere backdrops, places to hold the faces and memories of the many people I have known and the friends I have made over the last 72 years that I have lived on this planet.

As I begin to think on a place and time the faces are soon to follow. These faces pop into my mind like a worn out jack-in-the-box. Crank the handle and up pops Joey Sirgo or Gunner Thompson, or Tommy One Nut, Pissball Pete or just plain Joe . . . . . (It’s amazing how many of these guys have slang names and how often that’s the only one I can remember.)

Then the fun begins as I sit and reminisce with these guys over all the exciting times we had together . . . and a few of the sad ones. Seems the good and the funny always float to the top first though. I have to dig a bit to get to the bad, so as I hate shoveling I mostly leave that part alone.

To all the girls I’ve loved before. I remember your eyes, the lift of your breasts and the swing of your hips, but my Band of Brothers meant far more to me than trying to figure you out ever did. You ladies have a special room in my heart, but not this one. This room is filled with bar girls, one night stands, and short time hookers.

The “old boys club” door is locked to the finer female. You wouldn’t like it in here anyways cause the room stinks of old cigar smoke, cordite and bull shit, and the floor is littered with trampled peanut shells, dried blood and dog hair. A place only one of my old friends could love.

I always figured when I got old I would be sitting in the park with the rest of the old goats like they did when I was a kid. Maybe the old project crowd still do that, I don’t know because I lost contact with them at 15 when I had to move.

Today I live a life of seclusion. I spend my days reading, or goofing on my computer or driving my wife crazy, but rarely if ever do I spend time with friends, cause although spread out over half the world, they are not here.

Once I was in a Portland City jail cell with the walls covered in graffiti. I found an empty spot and wrote my own little tale of woe, “I’ve been alone since birth, I’ll remain alone till death, then I’ll have a friend”. Kind of a downer, but how else would you feel being stuck in a two man cell with a guy coming down off heroin?

I do hope that quickly thought verse will prove itself to be true though cause I’m getting closer to D day each time I go to sleep at night and it would be really cool to wake up on the other side and see a large table of my friends gathered around it to greet me. (and my many favorite dogs lying under it)

Jesus and God would have to wait for a while then because first thing I want to do is drink some good Old Crow and hang out with the guys again for a season . . . or two.

I think Robert Service said it all about guys like us. Guys our women just can’t quite understand:

The Men Who Don’t Fit In

There’s a race of men that don’t fit in,
A race that can’t stay still;
So they break the hearts of kith and kin,
And they roam the world at will.

They range the field and they rove the flood,
And they climb the mountain’s crest;
Theirs is the curse of the gypsy blood,
And they don’t know how to rest.

If they just went straight they might go far;
They are strong and brave and true;
But they’re always tired of the things that are,
And they want the strange and new.

They say: “Could I find my proper groove,
What a deep mark I would make!”
So they chop and change, and each fresh move
Is only a fresh mistake.

And each forgets, as he strips and runs
With a brilliant, fitful pace,
It’s the steady, quiet, plodding ones
Who win in the lifelong race.

And each forgets that his youth has fled,
Forgets that his prime is past,
Till he stands one day, with a hope that’s dead,
In the glare of the truth at last.

He has failed, he has failed; he has missed his chance;
He has just done things by half.
Life’s been a jolly good joke on him,
And now is the time to laugh.

Ha, ha! He is one of the Legion Lost;
He was never meant to win;
He’s a rolling stone, and it’s bred in the bone;
He’s a man who won’t fit in.

But . . . those of us who have walked this path would have it no other way. (end)

I wrote the above about 4 years ago and nothing has changed. Alone but never lonely I become more irrelevant daily, but, still, I miss my old friends and wonder what happened to all of them . . .  and am far too lazy to find out.

Male Dominance?

I watched the video . . . it’s such a mixture of Bernay’s PR that it is IMO just another advertisement promoting the biblical concept that God covers man – man covers woman theory . . . fact is men ARE physically stronger (in most cases) Men ARE the dominate of the human species because of it. . . but when it comes to intelligence/artistic/ inventive, etc. . . . that is bullshit to the max. . . .

All we need to do is look around at today’s world and see what male dominance has accomplished and it is easier to read than a child’s primmer that the man mentality is floundering. . . fact is we men need to drop the God ordained bullshit and allow the playing field to level because if we don’t . . . (my prediction)

One day in the future after the macho economic/physical wars are over and the planet is in shambles the time of the woman will come and we men will be relegated to sperm donors and physical laborers in a brand new world run by woman . . .

Because I have learned in my life never to underestimate women hood . . . we stumble over our own pecker every time we do . . . they got us by the balls boys and we better start playing fair or else.

Fantasy Land (part two)

Love is the singularity . . . it (God) exists outside the boundaries of duality, therefore there is no good or bad love, it IS the single focal point of all matter, it is the reality behind all creative process. . . . We, (the creators in this physical dimension) though connected to the singularity, build our corporate, as well as individual lives exclusively within the law of duality and get to experience first hand the reality of our creations . . . how are we doing?

We can drop all the spiritual jargon and judge our own creating by the simple approach of lining our creation(s) up against the law of love. Ask ourselves as a person a few simple questions like:

“Am I being kind and generous or am I being a self serving asshole?” . . .

“Do I continually and constantly blame others for my shortcomings?” . . .

“Do I really care or is this a good ploy to get my own way again?” . . .

Ask ourselves corporately as a part of the larger whole a few simple questions like:

“Is it even possible to kill for peace?”

“Is factory farming really worth it?”

“Are we really caretakers of this planet or is this massive ecological destruction we are causing just the result of good business practice?”

Those questions are just an example. Ask yourself your own questions, meditate upon them and you will learn quite easily if you are, or are not, moving in love, mercy, and grace.

You may learn WHY you have acquired so much karmic debt . . . and WHY you are always behind the proverbial eight ball.

Maybe if you quit justifying your eating, and thinking, and doing habits and take positive action instead to put an end to them . . . maybe the depression will withdraw and the fibromyalgia will go away and your joy as well as your health will return.

Can’t hurt to try . . . right?

Fantasy Land

I wonder how many people realize that their entire lives are built upon a foundation of fantasy? Mine was, and in many ways still is. To this day I find myself treading upon a fantasized hero’s journey. Whether animal, environmental, or spiritual . . . I’m still in the business of trying to save things.

Many of you reading this might ask. “Fantasy? What the hell is this guy talking about? I live and breath reality. I never fantasize about anything because I’m too busy dealing with reality!”

Question: “If that is true, if you are truly living in reality, why is your reality not the same as mine? I mean doesn’t two – three – three thousand different realities mean that everybody but you is living in fantasy? I mean if there is more than one reality SOMEBODY’S gotta be fantasizing . . . right?”

As I pondered this fantasy dilemma I began to see that there is only one foundation to all reality . . . and that foundation is LOVE. Since ‘love’ is probably the most misinterpreted and misused word in the English language we probably ought to dwell on that first lest we build yet another castle in the sand. . . . so, what is love?

Too many people these days see love  only as (Eros) the emotion that leads to some kind of an action centered in romantic intercourse of one sort or another.

Others broaden the word a bit to include the second deeper (Philia or brotherly love) that includes friendships and family as well as romance.

A few completely open the word to include (Eros) the love that supersedes all others. That’s the point where love is no longer an emotion, but a state of being . . . the place where all judgement and human actions are based upon the principles of love. Eros, the ultimate, breaks the law of duality and is the only pathway to the goal of activating our higher conscience. So far, very few have entered that realm and that is why the planet is in such dire shape. . . . and why nothing changes until we change. As we are now in our development, fantasy rules and we are more virus to this Earth than caretaker.

As an example: When I was a kid in the projects I was raised on John Wayne and Hollywood movie fantasy where the Japs and Germans were pure evil and America was the greatest country in the world. In school I placed my hand over my heart every morning before class began and pledged my allegiance to her. I fantasized that one day when I got older, I would carry a gun myself and fight the bad guys in her defense just like John Wayne did. I’ve always wanted to be a hero and go down in a blaze of glory fighting for truth, justice, and the American way.

Most of my buddies in the projects shared that fantasy with me and years later some of them died horrible deaths in that far away jungle because of it. Their kids are still dying by fire in places like Iraq and Afghanistan . . . for what? Some dipshit and his hegemonic fantasies?

This fantasy that war is noble, the field of battle glorious, and our enemy is some kind of two dimensional creature has led untold millions across the world to a sudden and pain filled death. If the truth ever overshadows that fantasy we may have a chance to evolve beyond the necessity for war, but as is, today we seem to be beating the battle drums more loudly than ever before in this quest to “make America great again” when a quick and honest study of our past history proves we were really never that great in the first place.

That is only one example of a culture steeped in one religious/racial/societal/ fantasy after another, there are many more. These fantasies are what is dividing us and breaking us just like they did to all the other empires before us.

So the question I have to ask myself when I consider where we, as a nation, are going is this . . . ‘Are we moving and creating upon a foundation of love, mercy, and grace, or not?’ If not then we can pray and roll around on the floor of our churches all we want . . . nothing happens until we do.

 

Have You Realized The Profundity Of Our True Nature? — Collective Evolution

As human beings we love to create borders and boundaries. They make us feel safe, or worthy, or special . . . BUT what if those boundaries don’t really exist at all, what if on the day we shed this earthly body all our boundaries stay behind and are buried with it? What then?

Who we really are has been staring us in the face the whole time. Take a look at your body, but look at it from a completely impersonal perspective; free of any thought about it at all. Without labels like arms and legs; without any sense of ownership, just as it is. Look in the…

via Have You Realized The Profundity Of Our True Nature? — Collective Evolution